Climbing Quotes

"He gets a free ride after 10 rescues..."

"How is it Mac that you can climb so well, when you are so decadent?"

"Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks."

"Climbing is the only cure for gravity."

"The law of gravity is strictly enforced."

"The best climber in the world is the one who's having the most fun."

"Some people love soloing and are great at it. They can have it."

"My next climb is going to be a tourist troll in a wheelchair."

"[Climbing is] more interesting than my other daytime activity, which closely resembles the million monkeys theory applied to software development."

"My success rate is much higher when I'm soloing. It's easier to talk yourself into quitting when you have someone to talk to."

"He who seeks fear shall be followed by fear."

"Routes rate me, not the other way around."

"The Puking Gecko, Grand Wall, *** S9 5.12d/e 712m - An intimidating and salacious climb. The final pitch is so exposed, tricky, and continuously strenuous that it is impossible to even contact the rock at any point. Better than making passionate love on top of a Japanese Bullet Train. Superbly magnificent and grimly brilliant."

"Anyone need advice on making the transition from 5.12 to 5.11?"

"During the qualifying round I heard the contestant ahead of me introduced: 'Hardest redpoint: 5.14b, hardest on-sight: 5.13c' (Geoff Weigand). The contestant after me: 'Hardest redpoint: K2' (Greg Child)."

"Disobey. Defy. Take your own time. Fly."

"Although one is not inclined to be timid or nervous, it is nevertheless a trifle depressing to receive letters full of expostulation and entreaty: 'If you are determined to commit suicide, why not come home and do so in a quiet lady-like manner?'"

"Hi, this is Annie. I can't meet with you this week because I'm off to Patagonia. I decided to go just today - I'll be in touch when I get back."

"Those who say it can't be done should get out of the way of those who are doing it."

"If climbers used the word 'beta' the way most software houses do, we'd all be dead."

"If Everest is the cake, Trango is the topping."

"Mountain climbing is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror."

"He who remains calm while those around him panics probably doesn't know what is going on."

"There are old climbers, there are bold climbers, but there are no old bold climbers!"

"Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death."

"Pissing through 6 inches of clothes with a 3 inch penis!"

"I so much enjoy waking up to garbage truck 'back up' beepers in the morning at Yosemite. It makes me feel like I'm in New York city!"

"Dear Lord, please don't let me fuck up."

"It doesn't have to be fun to be fun."

"Climbing is no longer the best thing to do in this area."

"Rocks make no compromise for sex... rock climbing is not like some sports, where it is made easier for women; or sports like, say, softball, which is only baseball for soft people. On a rock, everything is equal."

"I wouldn't last 30 minutes climbing solo."

"When penalty slack is greater than the distance to the ground, the FF becomes irrelevant."

"How do you distinguish between being off-route and putting up a first ascent?"

"Profanity is about the best pro you'll get until the crack starts to narrow. Include doubles of profanity in the #6 to #8 range on your rack for this lead."

"I've seen 5.11 divided into 11 different grades of increasing difficulty, as follows: 5.11a, 5.10d, 5.11-, 5.11b, 5.11, 5.11c, 5.9 squeeze, 5.11+, 5.10 OW, 5.12a, 5.11d."

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."

"They say you can't do it, but sometimes it doesn't always work."

"The fact that I'm three months pregnant doesn't change anything."

"Just a reminder - a guidebook is no substitute for skill, experience, judgement and lots of tension."

"Life is brought down to the basics: if you are warm, regular, healthy, not thirsty or hungry, then you are not on a mountain... Climbing at altitude is like hitting your head against a brick wall - it's great when you stop."

"If you can bang a pin in with your ice axe without anyone yelling at you and you packed the whiskey 'cause it is the only thing that won't freeze, you're probably alpine climbing."

"Writing about climbing is boring. I would rather go climbing."

"I don't want to write about climbing; I don't want talk about it; I don't want to photograph it; I don't want to think about it; all I want to do is do it."

"Why? Why, why, why do I do this???"

"As we unloaded packs at the parking lot, two young ladies approached us to ask if we were THE Yosemite climbers... They asked if it were true that Yosemite climbers chafe their hands on the granite to enable them to friction up vertical walls. We assured them that the preposterous myth was true."

"Remember when sex was safe and climbing was dangerous?"

"No, she's the leader of our climb."

"Climbers have no sense of smell."

"It is better to retreat off a good climb than to succeed on an indifferent one."

"Fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind."

"Only those who lack it use the adjective 'excess' in front of testosterone."

"The best part is getting to the top 'cause the pain's all over."

"Definition: Alpinism is the art of going through the mountains confronting the greatest dangers with the biggest of cares. What we call art here, is the application of a knowledge to an action."

"When feet doesn't want to hold you, you climb with your head. Maybe it isn't the natural order of things, but isn't it better to walk with your head than to think with your feet, as it happens so frequently?"

"I became so desperate that I considered throwing Eric [Beck] off the ledge. I thought I could get down and then lie about what had happened. To my addled brain, this was plausible. Then I came to my senses and woke Eric up and told him that either he had to retreat or I'd throw him off. We went down and I never climbed again for a quarter of a century."

"10 March... 0 hours climbing. Write 5 pages to my mother in law. Getting desperate."

"There is no difference between religion and politics. Both involve lies and fanatical beliefs that generaly defy logic... Just like rock climbing."

"To be a full-fledged boulderer, you need to be able to do two things: climb way harder than I can, and shout 'You got it, dude!' with convincing enthusiasm every time someone leaves the ground, continuing until their return."

"Every time I go out and do something, Hans panics and starts trying to beat me. He's like a dog humping your leg."

"Artificial climbing: knack of appearing to climb by talking about it. This technique is best employed far from actual climbing areas, which tend to be hazardous. Small taverns and pizza parlors with an impressionable clientele are excellent sites for artificial climbing."

"Blood /n./ substance commonly used to mark a climbing route."

"Foot jam /n./ offensive accumulation between the toes, caused by wearing the same socks for several days."

"Layback /n./ what a climber looks forward to at the end of a day."

"Line of weakness: long involved explanation for not attempting a route."

"Mountaineering /n./ slow walking uphill while not feeling very well."

"Offwidth crack /n./ remark made in a smartass manner."

"Wilderness /n./ archaic word used to refer to the space that once existed between urban areas and which is now used as a proving ground for 4-wheel drive vehicles."

"Boulder /n./ place close to the ground to practice falling. When climbers aren't climbing, they like to sharpen their skills by bouldering on large rocks located in places frequented by impressionable tourists. Because bouldering is done without protection, the rule is never to climb higher than you'd like to fall. That is why so many climbers stand around discussing boulder problems instead of climbing them."

"Bivouac /n./ French for 'mistake'."

"Well, I'll say this: climbing can kill you, but women can destroy you. There's a big difference, y'know."

"Welcome to the employee rock-climbing seminar. You'll learn valuable teamwork skills by doing dangerous things unrelated to your jobs."

"To practice for the Steck-Salathé, crawl across asphalt parking lots in the summer, on your knees and elbows."

"You guys going up? Yes, yes, we go up. You may be going a lot higher than you think!"

"One thing to remember on the Eiger, never look up, or you may need a plastic surgeon."

"This is a group of people I used to go walking with. (long pause) That's me on the left. (even longer pause) On the right is the woman I married, Audrey. (very long pause, speaker looks at shoes) Which just goes to show that danger lurks where you least expect it."

"Never noticed a female monkey not climbing as well as a male, have you?"

"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible."

"Nothing substitutes a large apprenticeship, a heap of experiences which converts into the base of intuition."

"All ice is dangerous. Grade 4 pillars are pumpy. Grade 5 pillars are pumpy and dangerous. Except for certain rare days of triple-high biorythms and favorable planetary alignments, grade 6 is beyond reach."

"Climb now, work later."

"Sit-down starts SUCK! No self respecting climber is going to make a habit of sitting on her ass to go climbing."

"Climbing may be hard, but it's easier than growing up."

"Nobody climbs mountains for scientific reasons. Science is used to raise money for the expeditions, but you really climb for the hell of it."

"I knew I was in trouble when my farts came out cold."

"Climbing is like a brain enema. It just cleans all the crap out of your head."

"Er, I say, are you going to be able to get me out?"

"Gravity would be softer were its acceleration not as fast."

"The moral here is to never trust equipment, but oneself. Hence, free soloing is the best choice for the safety conscious climber."

"It is a fine thing to be out on the hills alone. A man can hardly be a beast or a fool alone on a great mountain."

"Fucking Layton Kor... God I hate Cameron Burns. I wonder how much it would hurt if I just jumped? Why the hell would anyone climb this hunk of dirt anyway, or anything for that matter-pointless? How long can you be dead and still be an organ donor?"

"A man's passion for the mountain is, above all, his childhood which refuses to die."

"Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers always wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of a machine room."

"As in any alpine region, the weather is changeable, protection questionable, route-finding bewildering, rockfall frequent and descents tedious. In short, it's everything you could ever ask for."

"Free soloing can be deadly, even if it looks great in the photos."

"When you are in harmony with yourself and with the things you do, your body is fickle and you can do incredible things. Without doubt here comes the question of why really climb for. Many times men go to the mountain to obtain prestige, raise money and with this everything changes; then you become heavy."

"We wouldn't have this problem if it weren't for the cretins who popularize the classic routes on their web sites!"

"I think climbers should get credit just for remembering what their jobs are on Mondays."

"I climb much harder in my posts than I do in real life."

"Summits in the Alps go through 3 steps: 1) impossible! 2) the hardest climb of the Alps. 3) a lady's walk."

"Igor, one as you know that real man need not pad. Pad is for woman and only man who have not the ball."

"If by protected you mean that it's 10-15 feet above that alien, then yes, yes it is protected."

"As far as I'm concerned, if someone eliminates the mental part of climbing, then we might as well all go play miniature golf."

"If you think climbers fear thunderstorms, try canyoneers."

"The difference between climbers and normal workers is that climbers are glad of the Mondays, so they can rest."

"I like climbing for pleasure but wouldn't like to do it for money. Same thing than for sex."

"If someone were to ask me to quit climbing because they love me so much and doesn't want to lose me, I'd be out the door so fast, that someone wouldn't have time to say adios."

"Every critter does what feels good, I guess. Pigs roll in mud, Scott climbs, Inez rolls in mud and climbs. I think it is simple biology."

"Naked male sport climbers? No! I want naked male trad hogs! Pushing 50 or over, very hairy chest and back, front tooth missing (no dental insurance), wrinkled yellow toenail fungus, sunburnt dome with long gray ponytail (sparse curls will do), fingers the size of Polish sausages, torn-off nipples due to offwidth damage... Now there's a man, an image to behold, every climber chick's dream. And when he says: 'Hey, honey, wanna do the DNB?' you just melt into a heap of adoring lard."

"This is the fucking life, no?"

"Men's harness come with a set of nads built in, which can come in handy on a scary lead."

"The climb will go. Get rid of the rope. It's only distracting you."

"Il bouldering e un puo il coit interroto dell'arrampicata..."

"After all, maybe sticking to a diet is easier than climbing big walls."

"Doubt is the enemy of success."

"Oh, shit!"

"I've climbed with some of the best climbers in the world, more importantly, to me, they are some of the best people in the world. That's another reason why I climb."

"I may not be able to pull on the smallest of holds, but those I can pull on I can pull on all day long."

"If the answer is 13 RURPs and a bat hook, what was the question?"

"The hardest thing about Fontainebleau is spelling it."

"I was once bouldering in solitude in the Needles, when a young female walked up and introduced herself and asked who I was. I told her and continued bouldering. She turned and walked away after a few minutes, saying over her shoulder: 'you can't be John Gill. He climbs much better than that'."

"Climbing would be a great, truly wonderful thing if it weren't for all that damn climbing."

"I came up to help you with your pack, but it looks like you don't need any help."

"Then came a bigger fear. Not the threat of imminent injury, but the fear that if I didn't go back up, I would be a chickenshit forever."

"Are you alive?"

"Gee, in the old days people used aid to make things easier, nowadays they use aid to make things harder."

"The real, in all this efforts, is that we climb just for climbing."

"Climb like a girl. Pee like a guy."

"Hey brother, you're not fat dude, you're just bomber!"

"I heard that having big balls can help a climber make a bold lead, but that being a dick doesn't help anybody."

"Rock climbing, for me, is liking making Love to the Stone... for that I like to take some clothes off and be comfortable."

"If one more person says to me: 'Wow, you climb, and you don't have a boyfriend?' I'm gonna hurl. What am I supposed to say in response to that: 'Well, I have a really lousy personality'?"

"Of course, the first all-female ascent of Midnight Lightning was a huge coup, as Lynn was obviously aware. In fact, to make the ascent seem all the more valid, she even had her belayer (John Bachar) dress up in women's lingerie."

"Sitting on that first hook of the day, it's like your first time having sex. Your entire focus is on one very small object."

"Slug mode is when you lay in your tent with nothin' to do, maybe not even a book to read, maybe not even nothin' to eat. I can do it pretty well."

"That was amazing! Five lead changes to climb 40 feet of rock! How can they say this route doesn't look good? This was MORE than a route - this was an EXPERIENCE!"

"All men dream, although not in the same way. The ones who dream by night in the dusty shelters of their minds, wake up the next day and discover that it was just vanity; but the ones who dream by day are dangerous men, because they can represent their dreams with the eyes open to make them possible."

"The essence of climbing is not limited to those out there making a name for themselves."

"I believe that driving is more risky [than climbing]. The rock is never drunk, or on a cell-phone, or reaching into the back seat to smack a kid. Gravity is always there, of course, but it's not going 30mph at one time and driving a semi-truck at 80mph another."

"I was quaking in my boots."

"Height has nothing to do with it, it is your strength that counts."

"I climb as hard as anyone on earth. I just do it on easier routes."

"If everything's under control, you're going too slow."

"Frostbite? I consider that a failure."

"Lamest response ever to 'Let's toss for the crux pitch?': 'I don't have a coin'."

"Without gravity you wouldn't have a sport."

"Together we knew toil, joy and pain. My fervent wish is that the nine of us who were united in face of death should remain fraternally united through life."

"You know you're a speed climber when getting down a mountain takes the same or more time than going up."

"If it weren't for egos, some of the greatest accomplishements of climbing would never have happened."

"Big alpine routes aren't exactly safe... You need to have your feelers out, and you need to be willing to back off if things aren't quite right. At the same time, you have to push through your doubts and fears."

"In fact, I think you should add your body fat to the rating of the climb, to get a true measure of your inner climber. So climbing a 5.7 with 22% body fat is way harder than climbing a 5.14 with 3% body fat."

"I boulder with a rope. It's for body recovery."

"Sure, some people pack more crap than others, but going dumb and naked isn't what 'fast and light' is about either."

"Breaking into a new area of climbing while remaining safe is probably sort of like practicing religion. There's no best way to do it, and if you screw up, you're going down..."

"Leading something that is 50/50 is not 'my limit'. It's off-route."

"The ground is a harsh spotter."

"Only the Spirits of the Air know what awaits me behind the mountains, but still I travel onwards."

"A man without scenery is completely disarmed."

"In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these."

"Found the following in a local post by someone describing what they look for in a resume when hiring a person for a computer programming job: Flowery action words can't hide a lack of accomplishment in life. I like it when someone lists things like 'mountain climbing' in their resume, because it means he's geeky enough to feel it's necessary to prove that he's not a geek, yet not so geeky that he's anal retentive."

"I'm getting cooked on all this wall climbing slavery. I want to sit on the beach, get a tan, and look at girls!"

"All of us knew that climbing was a sure way to stay poor, a lousy way to impress people and definitely no way to meet girls."

"The next time you curse the fact that it's Monday, just think of it as proof that you made it through another weekend without killing yourself by doing something stupid."

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave 5 minutes longer."

"I've tried many sports, but climbing is the best. The beauty of this sport is that no matter how good you get, you can always find a way to challenge yourself."

"I think you love rocks so much that they've replaced your brain."

"This [rec.climbing] thread reminds me of why the Silent Partner was invented."

"Learn to jam, learn to bleed, learn when to turn over the lead!"

"If she spends more time drooling over gear catalogs than you, takes guidebooks into the bathroom to spend some quality time, blows off a friend's wedding or bridal shower to go to the Phoenix Bouldering Contest, then *maybe* she's a climber."

"You can't buy a 5.12."

"What most male climbers want from their female partners is one thing: a good belay."

"I've never noticed that being a woman is a handicap or a plus. I am a woman and there are men and we climb together. Sometimes I'm stronger, sometimes they're stronger - we motivated each other."

"This climb waits for someone with stainless steel testicles."

"In Ukraine, we have enough climbers without fingers and toes - the only problem is to change bootsize."

"The best training was to go to the pub, drink 5 quarts of beer, and talk about climbing."

"John Wayne never wore Lycra."

"Our ascent, of course, does not end the possibility for new accomplishments on El Capitan. The day will probably come when this climb will be done in five days, perhaps less; and a younger generation will make a new route on the west face."

"I had the unique experience the next day: placing sixteen bolts in a row. It was just blank and there was no way around. But it was a route worth bolting for, and after a time I began to take an almost perverse joy in it, or at least in doing a good job."

"Here I was working away and always this mumbling and bitching from below, and finally the shocking ejaculation 'This is a lot of shit'. From then on I felt I was battling two opponents, the wall and Peterson."

"Anyone who says that they are having fun up here is flat out lying!"

"Being out on lead is like having a loaded gun pointed at your head all day!"

"Anyone who climbs walls is certifiably insane."

"Bouldering is like masturbation: not as good as the real thing but you don't need to worry about your protection."

"Most sports require only one ball."

"There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing."

"It's all bullshit on Everest these days."

"Don't Bolt - Be Bold"

"When in doubt - Run it out"

"Goddamn it! His parka doesn't fit me!"

"In 1961 I led this chimney in a state of metabolic uproar. At the base of the pitch I smoked several cigarettes (the first and last ones of my life). This was to calm me. Then I spooned half a jar of honey. This was to ensure superhuman strength. Mort Hempel, my partner, watched this silly ritual with mouth agape and eyes exploding with fear."

"There are all kind of values to be gotten out of climbing. Sometimes you can take a girlfriend up a climb and get laid for it."

"A woman's place is on top."

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see it's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

"1) High pain threshold. 2) Bad memory. 3) I forget the third."

"I soon learned that Everest wasn't a private affair. It belonged to many men."

"Sometimes I'm soloing and then someone calls me 'bro' or tells me to 'go big' and suddenly I'm bouldering."

"In most parts of France, they climb 'French Free'. In Chamonix they climb 'French Expensive'."

"I started climbing when men were men... and we nailed 5.8."

"We'll climb with you and steal your women."

"Climbing is not a battle with the elements, nor against the law of gravity. It's a battle against oneself."

"Each climber loses one finger or toe once in a while. This is a small but important reason for Polish climbers' success. Western climbers haven't lost as many fingers or toes."

"I am too slow to be a good climber, so I film instead."

"I couldn't catch a ball or any of that stuff. I could do only what required brute stupidity."

"Screwing is more enjoyable than drilling bolt holes!"

"As I hammered in the last bolt and staggered over the rim, it was not at all clear to me who was the conqueror and who was the conquered. I do recall that El Cap seemed to be in much better condition than I was."

"To qualify for mountain rescue work, you have to pass our test. The doctor holds a flashlight to your ear. If he can see light coming out the other one, you qualify."

"I wouldn't go there if I were you. They steal from the store and they smell and they wear rags and even piss right outside their tents. I tell you, it's like a leper colony, that place."

"The reason it was so scary was that there was only one climber capable of rescuing us, and that was Layton Kor, and he was in Colorado."

"The climbing as a whole is not very esthetic or enjoyable; it is merely difficult."

"The future of Yosemite climbing lies not in Yosemite, but in using the new techniques in the great granite ranges of the world."

"Personally, I would rather climb in the high mountains. I have always abhorred the remendous heat, the dirt-filled cracks, the ant-covered foul-smelling trees and bushes which cover the cliffs, the filth and noise of Camp 4 (the climbers' campground), and worst of all, the multitudes of tourists which abound during the weekends and summer months."

"Climbing for speed records will probably become more popular, a mania which has just begun. Climbers climb not just to see how fast and efficiently they can do it, but far worse, to see how much faster and more efficiently they are than a party which did the same climb a few days before. The climb becomes secondary, no more important than a racetrack. Man is pitted against man."

"Remember: if you take bivouac equipment along, you will bivouac..."

"It is very important for women to climb with other women."